Tag Archives: humour

Pic of the Week: Comedy Pavement or Art Installation?

Here’s a scene that raises one simple question. Why? These new flats on Heath Road, called Twickenham House, have given rise to some comedy paving or perhaps it’s actually modern art, we’re not entirely sure. What seems to have happened is that once upon a time there was a pavement with a line of edging stones next to a building, then some hoardings were put up to allow construction work to take place and then the builders decided to make the line of the hoardings the precise line for the intersection of the old pavement and their attempt at new paving. The result? Something that looks like this…

But is it art?

But is it art?

If that’s the quality of finishing for the outside space we can only hope that they’ve done a better job on the inside. Is it actually finished? We don’t know but we hope Richmond Council’s planning bods are taking a long hard look at it, assuming their eyes can stay focused on it. Paving stones? Paving stoned more like.

new flats with 'comedy paving' on Heath Road

new flats with ‘comedy paving’ on Heath Road

You may recall that these are the very same flats where the developers’ boards promised views across Mediterranean rooftops rather than of a suburban railway bridge and a Tesco Express. I suppose we now have to call these things ‘alternative facts’. It’s a funny old world.

Twickenham House on Heath Road

Twickenham House on Heath Road

Room with a view… of the Med.

Views across the Med

Views across the Med

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Pic of the Week: Room with a View

New flats going up on Heath Road offer the prospect of stunning views. The building, Twickenham House, has images on the hoardings showing the type of accommodation you can expect and we have to say that having a view across Mediterranean rooftops as opposed to the Tesco Express and the railway line will be a very attractive proposition for some.

Views across Tesco and the railway

Views across Tesco and the railway

Views across the Med

Views across the Med

Twickenham House on Heath Road

Twickenham House on Heath Road

It’s amazing what they can do these days, isn’t it?

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Orleans House Discovery ‘Out of this World’

Extraordinary evidence has come to light about the original function of the famous Octagon Room, part of Orleans House Gallery, Twickenham as a primitive device for celestial communications.

During research for the Heritage Lottery-funded £1.8m renovation project, in which original drawings and documents have been sourced in an effort to revert the décor to its true 1720s state, artists and technicians were stunned to discover a previously undiscovered stash of diagrams by its architect James Gibbs showing the unique, cylindrical building as a vast acoustic earpiece with various ingenious sound enhancers and transcribing machinery, all beneath a giant retractable roof.

gibbs_octagon_1

James Gibbs (1682-1754) has long been known for his interest in extra-terrestrial activity having witnessed as a young man “many curious fire globes o’er Thames at Richmond”.  Several of his other building designs have alluded to astronomy but this is the only known example of his obsession being put directly into practice, most likely with the generous financial assistance of wealthy Twickenham resident James Johnson (1655-1737), notable for sharing Gibbs’ fascination having “experienc’d a divinely sensuous other-worldly abduction”.

gibbs_vision

Richmond Council officers have long been mystified since discovering that the original footprint of the house and gardens, of which the Octagon Room is the only section remaining intact, mimics exactly the constellation of Orion with the Octagon sitting in place of dominating star, de Mairan’s Nebula. Most remarkably reams of transcripts discovered within the documents appear to depict abstract wave patterns with a stunning similarity to those of NASA’s Keppler spacecraft purporting to show unusual, unexplained activity way beyond our own solar system. These have now been passed on to the British Astronomical Society for deciphering.

There is now evidence that much of the machinery stayed in place relaying “an abundance of communications” until the arrival of King Louis Philippe, Duc d’Orleans in the early 1800s who, as a deeply religious man and a representative of the Catholic Church, saw it as a “dark art”, ordering its immediate removal and destruction. It is assumed that the documents were somehow rescued by Louis Philippe’s wife Maria Amalia after her husband’s death as they have been in the possession of her family, ancestors of King Ferdinand IV of Naples, stored in an impenetrable safebox, ever since. There they would have stayed had the safe’s mechanism not inexplicably given out last month revealing the contents for the first time in over 200 years.

 

LINK:
* LBRuT: Celestial Communications at Orleans House

Gibbs had a strong interest in UFOs

Gibbs had a strong interest in the extra terrestrial

[Contributed by our special correspondent Avril de Furst]

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2015 in Twickenham: A Year in Review

ice-cream-van-twickenham-twickeratiWhat a funny old year it’s been on twickerati. From a springtime of booming reader stats and heated debate in the comments sections to a summer lull and retrenchment, and then to ending the year trying to move things forward with additional contributions. A very big thank you to the many people who have provided such positive feedback about twickerati. If it wasn’t for you the site would definitely be consigned to the internet wilderness by now. Thanks too to the lovely locals who have offered to help with additional content, especially to those who have already provided copy, namely ‘Bill Webb-Ellis’ and the ‘Newbie’ journo. It’s much appreciated. Here’s to more collaboration in 2016.

Of course, regardless of the sustainability or otherwise of the finest and only blog featuring ‘news, comment and ill-informed opinion about Twickenham’, the town itself has had plenty of newsworthy excitement in 2015, so much so that we wrote a few words for the Richmond & Twickenham Times about it. You can read it on page 14 of the current edition of the paper. Can’t find your copy? You could always sign up for the e-edition couldn’t you? In the meantime, we’ve included it below for your public convenience. We hope you enjoy it…

Twickenham – A Year In Review

2015, eh? What a year it’s been. First there was January happily ticking along all on its tod and then, hot damn, before you knew it a load of other months turned up one after another, after a-flippin-nother. And this happened not just in God’s Own London Borough (that’s Richmond upon Thames, btw) but across the whole of the south of England too! It really is amazing how LBRuT (aka El Brute) manages to co-ordinate this with other local authorities. Hats off to them! And what of plucky Twickenham, you ask. Well, here at twickerati HQ this is what we remember about 2015.

It all began with a lot of heated debate about bus stops moving, pavements changing and cycle lanes migrating. And then it just carried on. It’s all part of El Brute’s Twickenham Action Plan aka the “TWAP”. First it was the new luxurious York Stone paving in the town centre that got people all in a lather. This was a tad ironic because, as we’ve all now found out, a jolly good lather is exactly what is needed to keep those fine slabs gleaming and gum free. The one teeny problem? This hasn’t actually happened yet. As for the new cycle lanes in central Twickenham, there’s nothing like dedicated cycle lanes to transform the whole cycling experience and what we have is nothing like dedicated cycle lanes. To be fair though, the uncertainty about what bikes and vehicles are now supposed to do in King Street keeps everyone hyper-alert, and we especially love those new car-sized boxes at traffic lights where drivers can pull up and stop on top of a bicycle painted on the road. Satisfying.

London Road

London Road, cycling

By the time we got to April, election fever was in full swing. It was turning into the battle of the doctors but not in the sense of Baker versus Tennant versus Capaldi but rather Cable against Mathias. Continue reading

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Pic of the Week: Fooled?

When we ran our April fool item about Richmond Council selling naming rights to the proposed Twickenham Town Square we didn’t really expect many people to take it seriously. In fact, we didn’t expect anybody to take it seriously. Imagine our delight when we discovered that someone had written to the Richmond and Twickenham Times to complain that the idea ‘lacks class’. Quite right too! Whether they really fell for it or just wanted to build on the joke we’re not entirely sure, but either way we appreciate that they took the time to write to their local paper about it. Respect, and indeed thanks, are due to Mr or Mrs “Name and address supplied”. Sir / Madam, we salute you!

Who's fooling who?

Who’s fooling who?

LINK:
* The original item
(complete with a couple of very minor edits made after midday on 1st April)

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A Twickenham Christmas Message From Santa

Hooray! And a Ho Ho Ho too. Santa’s been to Twickenham to deliver this special video message just for the good people of the town….

(And a very big thanks to Claud Gibson, a very talented musician for letting us use her track – hear it properly right here.

 

And in other Christmas and New Year news…

First of all a very big thank you for taking the time to read this website over the last 12 months. It’s you, the great twickerati of Twickenham, that make running this site just about worthwhile. Every single member of the team here at the twickerati blog HQ appreciates it, from the canteen staff and the humblest sub-editors through to the chief reporter, editor-in-chief and non-executive directors. Even the company chauffeur values your engagement. In fact, it’s only the shareholders who have expressed any concern after another year of no dividends.

But what a year it’s been! We’ve had an election, a massive (read: MASSIVE) scrap about a new home for a certain royal barge, plenty of shops closing, plenty of shops opening, 20mph limits introduced, summer festivals, big traffic jams, new look pavements, school site shenanigans and El Brute’s purchase of land for a town square. We’ve had heated arguments about every single one of them. Or rather, you have. And there have even been a few constructive suggestions too. Lovely stuff.

And what about 2015? We’ve got a General Election, the Rugby World Cup, plenty of shops closing, plenty of shops opening, battles over a third runway at Heathrow, traffic jams and yet more feisty and occasionally entertaining debate on all things Twickenham. That Alexander Pope wordy bloke would be well proud of you.

And so without further ado we say, Merry Christmas to you all and very best wishes for a Happy New Year.

You can even add your own 2015 predictions below if you feel the urge.

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Pic of the Week: Heathrow vs The Arts

Expand the Arts not Heathrow! Whilst in no way condoning the defacement of adverts (of course, etc) we did find this one rather amusing. It’s on the corner of Staines Road and Elmsleigh Road and should raise a chuckle with the retired thesps in Brinsworth House opposite. Hey, perhaps there’s a connection? Look out for an aged actor armed with spray can and a long ladder roaming the streets of Twickenham after dark.

'Expand Heathrow' poster in Twickenham [courtesy of & copyright: Jodie Holland aka @dutchmrs on Twitter]

‘Expand Heathrow’ poster in Twickenham
[courtesy of & copyright: Jodie Holland aka @dutchmrs on Twitter]

Photo courtesy & we suppose copyright of Jodie Holland aka @dutchmrs on Twitter. As to a credit for the original artwork, we’re not entirely sure.

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Pic of the Week: Do As I Say, Not As I Do!

Richmond Council are laying down the law. To themselves. In an unusual piece of Kafkaesque logic El Brute have advised everyone, including themselves, that putting up posters in empty shops is simply not allowed. The law will be enforced! And the best way to communicate this message? By means of posters in empty shops of course. Or perhaps it’s simply a Council job creation scheme. As they’re no doubt saying down at the civic offices, “See me in court, sucker!”.

Irony?

Irony post?

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Pic of the Week: A Lego Boathouse

Here at twickerati HQ we like a challenge and we also like to be helpful. Like many people we’ve been struggling to get our brains around the true size of the Gloriana boathouse plan. Will it be big? Will it be small? How will it look in Orleans Gardens? What will be its true size? With that in mind we set out to do what neither Foster & Partners nor Richmond Council have managed to do so far, and that’s to translate the proposed boathouse size into something that everyone can understand. So through the medium of Lego we did just that. A Lego person is 4cm high, assume that to be 1.77m tall and scale that up to El Brute’s possible external dimensions (cited at the consultation) of a 36m long, 12m wide and 7m high building. Voila! We’ve got ourselves the basics of a little boathouse, God bless us. But then we ran out of Lego.

Boathouse (Lego scale)

Boathouse (Lego scale)

Lego Gloriana boathouse

Lego Gloriana boathouse

You can’t comment on this item, but our current Gloriana thread is open for business and can be accessed here.

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