Richmond Council are laying down the law. To themselves. In an unusual piece of Kafkaesque logic El Brute have advised everyone, including themselves, that putting up posters in empty shops is simply not allowed. The law will be enforced! And the best way to communicate this message? By means of posters in empty shops of course. Or perhaps it’s simply a Council job creation scheme. As they’re no doubt saying down at the civic offices, “See me in court, sucker!”.
Tag Archives: humour
Here at twickerati HQ we like a challenge and we also like to be helpful. Like many people we’ve been struggling to get our brains around the true size of the Gloriana boathouse plan. Will it be big? Will it be small? How will it look in Orleans Gardens? What will be its true size? With that in mind we set out to do what neither Foster & Partners nor Richmond Council have managed to do so far, and that’s to translate the proposed boathouse size into something that everyone can understand. So through the medium of Lego we did just that. A Lego person is 4cm high, assume that to be 1.77m tall and scale that up to El Brute’s possible external dimensions (cited at the consultation) of a 36m long, 12m wide and 7m high building. Voila! We’ve got ourselves the basics of a little boathouse, God bless us. But then we ran out of Lego.
You can’t comment on this item, but our current Gloriana thread is open for business and can be accessed here.
A few weeks ago we began the search to find Twickenham’s cutest pet. We said there was no prize on offer. We lied. Such was the torrent of fine looking felines and cute canines that you drew to our attention that we asked a few local businesses if they’d like to judge the contenders and offer a prize. And guess what? Those friendly folk at Sweetie Pies Boutique Bakery on Church Street took up the challenge. Better still, they’ve offered not one but two prizes. God, don’t you just love this whole local thing? You can see the mighty Twickenham pet parade via the link below but… drum roll.. the winner and runner up are:
First place – and the recipient of a voucher for afternoon tea for two at Sweetie Pies – is… Muffin! Or rather Muffin’s owner @rainbowlem. Top snapping Rainbowlem!
— Rainbow (@rainbowlem) May 14, 2014
The runner up – doing it for the dogs is… or rather are… Little and Large as pictured by Dave. Result! Dave’s just got himself a £10 voucher to get all caked up at Sweetie Pies. Nice work Dave.
A big thanks to all who took part in the non-competition, to our prize giver, of course, to our winner and runner up.
Some websites are famous for their obsession with cats. Others achieve greatness by featuring dogs that look like TV celebrities or by showing 20 rabbits that in some way resemble 18th century Dutch landscape painters. Not here. We don’t do that kind of thing. This site is all about Twickenham. But stop and think for a second and guess what? People in Twickenham own pets. Pets have rights. And what’s more, pets now have the right to be featured in this item! SO LET’S FIND TWICKENHAM’S CUTEST PET!
Got a nice picture of your pooch, or a snap of your cute moggy? (And yes we did have to think carefully about how we phrased that). Well if you do, drop us a link in the comments section or send it in an email to email@example.com. There’s no prize, no competition, just the sense of enormous wellbeing that comes from having pictures of animals online, and local animals at that.
UPDATE on 20 May 2014: Because this has been so popular we’re seeing if we can find a local business to judge it and donate a small prize. As a result, we’ll not be posting any more pet pictures until that’s been done.
To kick off proceedings, here’s Cheeky G looking mighty fine soaking up some Twickenham sunshine at @twickerman‘s residence.
With the regeneration of Twickenham continuing, Richmond Council (aka LBRuT) are now looking further ahead to ensure that, in their words, “the town builds on its recent successes and continues to develop in a way that’s fit for the future”. El Brute’s planning gurus have been thinking big thoughts about what the town should look like by the final years of the next decade. A project, called “Twickenham 2026” is being led by external consultants but has the full support of El Brute. The main challenge they’re looking to solve is how to capitalise on current roads and pavements work whilst accommodating the ever-increasing demand for property and the knock-on effect on school places, traffic and local services. It’s basically phase 2 of the Twickenham Action Plan (aka TWAP2).
Richmond Council will promote the Borough’s various ‘villages’ by using a Hollywood style sign on Richmond Hill. The aim is to increase awareness of the different parts of the borough by erecting 45 foot high letters spelling out the name of each village. Twickenham is first to go and the sign will stay in place for two months before being replaced by Teddington in June. Richmond itself is next in line for the treatment. Plans to follow that with East Sheen have been put back until 2015 as the Council grapple with the thorny problem of how best to represent the space between the words ‘East’ and ‘Sheen’. A consultation on this point will take place and will be followed by an online referendum and a substantial delay.
Of the plans, a Council spokesperson said, “The wonderful view from the top of Richmond Hill is very famous and, quite rightly, protected. This new scheme gives borough residents something to enjoy when looking back up at the Hill. Passengers taking off and landing at Heathrow airport will also be able to see this iconic new landmark and we hope it will encourage new visitors to our towns. At night the lettering will be picked out in green neon. It’s a win win arrangement for the Borough of Richmond”.
The consultation opens on 1st April with full details available on El Brute’s newly revamped website.
So, will this put Richmond on the map or is it just another gimmick? Have your say below.
UPDATE: In a press release dated 11.59am on 01/04/14 Richmond Council announced that after a backlash from residents on Richmond Hill the plans have now been shelved.
And here’s a little Twickenham Christmas something to read aloud as you sit by the fire on Christmas Eve.
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE TWICKMAS
or “A Visit From Saint Nicholas”
not by Clement Clarke Moore
Twas the night before Twickmas and all through the town,
Not a creature was stirring, the shops had closed down,
No stockings were hung on the chimneys for fear,
That El Brute’s famous leader, Lord True, would appear.
El Brute and Nick True planned to make Twickenham better,
Sending plans out to all in a ‘village’ newsletter,
The Twickenham Action Plan, known as the TWAP,
Contained fine aspirations but also some crap.
And in other news… Richmond Council’s new design for an outdoor business / community collaboration zone in Twickenham has met with a muted response.
There would appear to be scope to improve on this. Free 56k dial up modem maybe? Perhaps a caption competition is in order? (No prize though)
Twickenham could soon have its own House of Lords if proposals by Council Leader Lord True receive approval. In a statement issued from York House, the Blue Baron said, “The bicameral approach to government works perfectly well for the United Kingdom. Taking inspiration from that system and introducing a second chamber to the government of the London Borough of Richmond Upon Thames would be a logical next step and one which I would be proud to take”. Lord True went on to add that if the new system proved to be successful he would consider creating a Head of State role for the borough to sit above both chambers and which would possess some executive powers. “There are several candidates that I think could be well suited to such a position,” he said, before adding, “but one name springs to mind with great regularity”.
To bring about the change, a system of honours will be introduced with local residents given ‘Borough Peerages’ enabling locals to sit in the new upper chamber and vote against legislation put forward by the existing Council. The plans are expected to come into force sometime in the future. If at all.
In fact, none of that’s actually going to happen. We promise. Or at least we sincerely hope it isn’t.
So, what is going on?
Well, it’s true that Richmond Council is launching an honours list but it’s nothing to do with a second chamber. El Brute’s “mini-honours” list, to be launched this month, is a community recognition scheme designed to give credit to people in the borough who have worked to improve the lives of others. The type of individuals the scheme is designed to reward are those who have brought credit to the borough or given outstanding service to their community either over time or in a single, exceptional event. Residents or local groups can nominate people for the award with Council Leader Lord True himself selecting the winners from a shortlist.