If we made any kind of serious attempt at a What’s On Guide we’d like to think that it would be better than this. But we’ll never find out. Well, not this month anyway.

Despite that inauspicious start it seemed worth mentioning a few events coming up this weekend – and some ‘last chance to see’ events – which may or may not grab your attention. (In other words, they either will or they won’t, so we’ve got both bases covered).

Weekend of 7th & 8th September
Aviva Premiership rugby returns. The opening game of the season for Harlequins will be in the London Double Header at Twickenham Stadium on Saturday. London Irish play Saracens at 2.00pm and Quins take on Wasps at 4.30pm. Expect a big, but not a capacity, crowd.

Saturday also sees the Great River Race make its way from the Docklands to Ham. It’s a 21 mile boat race up the Thames – a kind of London Marathon of the river. Over 300 crews take part and row or paddle and generally don’t use engines or sails to make their way along the course. Some take it deadly seriously, many are doing it for the fun of it. The starting cannon will be fired at 12.10pm with the winners expected to reach the finish line at Ham (opposite Orleans Gardens) at about 15.10 with the rest following over the next few hours. It’s definitely worth a watch as the boats cross the line.
More: www.greatriverrace.co.uk

Want more boaty stuff? Sunday 8th is the Teddington River Festival and Lifeboat Station Open Day. There’s lots going on including lifeboat demonstrations on the river, live music, stalls and chance to have a go at kayaking. It runs from 12.00pm to 6.00pm at the lock, lifeboat station and in Manor Road rec. The Gloriana will be on show too.
Link: Teddington River Festival

The London to Windsor bike ride is also taking place on Sunday. The start is on Richmond Green and the riders – many of whom are raising money for charity – go by road and towpath to Windsor. The cyclists are likely to be pootling through Twickenham between about 9.15 and 10.45. Not a massive spectacle, we’ll admit, we’re just letting you know what’s going on so you don’t need to tweet, “What are all these cyclists doing?”

On the arty front, if you’ve not yet seen the Eelpiland Exhibition at the Stables Gallery then go. Go! You’ve got only a few weeks left to do it. It’s a fantastic look back at the musical heritage of Eel Pie Island and its role in the birth of the UK Rhythm & Blues scene. Oh, and here’s that twickerati item about it again:
Link: Eelpiland on twickerati

And in the ‘main’ Orleans House Gallery itself, it’s also the last few weeks of ‘Block Party’ an exhibition that ‘explores the creative possibilities of pattern cutting’ and also ‘showcases work by artists that have embraced the interdisciplinary nature of this skill’. In other words, you probably really need to see it to understand it.
Link: Orleans House Gallery

And if it’s open air cinema that you prefer, on Sunday evening Twickenham Alive are presenting a special preview screening of the new movie Borrowed Time complete with Q&A session. It’s in the grounds of Strawberry Hill House. Take a picnic, why don’t you?
Link: Twickenham Alive

Want comedy? Get comedy! After its summer break the Bearcat Comedy club has resumed its Saturday shows at The Turks Head in St Margarets. Always a good evening out with great line ups.
Link: www.bearcatcomedy.co.uk

Have a good one!

Oh, and one more thing. The weekend of 21/22 September is the Open House London weekend, your chance to snoop around interesting buildings in the capital. Some properties need tickets in advance so plan ahead. More details here.

Obligatory picture of something:
Cannes