2013 in Twickenham: It’s Prediction Time

As 2012 trudges off into the distance, umbrella in hand, and 2013 arrives amid a flurry of new year’s resolutions which should take us through to the end of the month, what can we look forward to in Twickenham in 2013? Here are just 10 things that might (or might not) happen:

  1. Work starts on the station development. TRAG activists go underground, hiding out in barns by day and blowing up the railway tracks at night. A Solum Regeneration troop train is derailed and South West Trains also get disrupted. No one notices the difference.
  2. Three restaurants and four cafes close. The following month, three new restaurants and four new cafes open… in exactly the same premises. And so on.
  3. The new school opens on the Clifden Road site. Clifden Road residents erect barricades in an attempt to control the flow of Chelsea Tractors blocking the street. Council Leader Lord True personally hires a JCB and, with a cry of ‘victory!’, smashes through the barricades, slightly injuring a cute kitten and tearing the sleeve of his new jacket.
  4. Richmond Council runs a consultation exercise on how many public consultations the public want. Opposers of public consultations initiate a judicial review… which the Council then wins. An El Brute press release follows requesting no further discussion about public consultations.
  5. The Twickenham Advisory Panel breaks cover, writes a proposal for an alternative government in Twickenham, gains official UN recognition but then gets disbanded by the Council.
  6. The development plans for the old Royal Mail sorting office site get approved. Someone, somewhere is not happy. They hand paint a banner in order to get on the front page of the Richmond & Twickenham Times.
  7. Sainsburys opens on Twickenham Green. Initially people vow not to use it… but hang on, it’s just soooo convenient. A “Fortnum & Mason Local” opens in The Crown on Richmond Road.
  8. In the wake of the early success of Laverstoke Park Farm Butchers and Rubens Bakehouse, a candlestick maker sets up on York Street. Demand for candlesticks turns out to be weak and although sales of gift-wrapped scented candles hold up fairly well it closes within six months.
  9. Twickenham Green breaks the world record for the number of fetes and fun days in one location. 28 similar events take place on it over the summer. It corners the market and soon becomes the only place in London where you can buy weak tea, fruit cake and potted geraniums.
  10. Street improvements take place in King Street. The raised pavement road surface gives traffic-bound car drivers a much better view of the wide range of charity shops.

We can’t be sure all of the above will happen, some will, some won’t, but however things turn out, 2013 is certain to be an interesting year. Why not add your predictions below?


And if you want to discuss these ideas and more, then keep an eye out for the “twickerati Twickenham meet up” coming to a pub near you later this month.

8 Comments

Filed under Local Issues & News, Random Stuff

8 responses to “2013 in Twickenham: It’s Prediction Time

  1. Penelope Chamberlain

    Very well written but horribly likely to come true. Knock down the parade and open up the view to the river. Nobody will miss this shops. Turn all shops in Heath Road into residences. People would then fight to have premises in the town centre. There needs to be something dramatic to enliven Twickers. The main reason to visit is Poundland as Woolies was before it.

  2. Anon

    Lord True enters into fierce correspondence in the R&TT over the provision of nursery services in the Borough. It turns out that the letter writer is a three year old toddler, the younger sibling of one of the ‘child’ correspondents who had letters published about the Catholic school.

    Richmond Council single handedly stop expansion at Heathrow, by having a vote on it one wet Tuesday afternoon

    Vince Cable stays in his Business Secretary post right through to the end of the year.

  3. twickerman

    Classic. Love it. Twickerati has truly set his crystal balls on fire!

    Here are a few more:

    The Albany grows to love the 4 storey multi-storey car park in it’s front garden (still 3 days to object to LBRUT).

    A 24 hour MacDonald’s opens where Halfords used to be. Handy for drunken Georgists & litte pickin pigeons, but not much else.

    Quins submit a planning application to significantly expand their overflowing trophy cabinet. Application fulfilled.

    Harley Bear, Dance Party, becomes Council leader. Judicial Rearviews hibernated.

    Twickerati comes out as Princess Twickerata at that annual tweetup kneesup (aka kneesout) !?

  4. Anonymous

    See ‘Picture of the Week’. -Local activists pinpoint the LBRUT planning office with deadly accuracy.
    The Blue Baron flees his stronghold disguised as a humble peasant and hides out in the Macerata hills.
    Cable and Goldsmith join forces and establish a benevolant, eco-friendly Utopia, presided over from Richmond Hill. Dr Vince is put in charge of all the money as he has a kindly face. The handsome Zac rides out a-wooing the local maidens.
    Arcadia is restored in the valley below as ugly high rise developments are torn down and the land is turned to growing shining, golden corn. Empty properties are given to the deserving poor. The Stadium hosts wonderous tournaments and exotic entertainments. Women and children dance sylph-like across the water meadows. Gaily festooned barges gently glide across the silvery Thames.
    The trains run on time and Waitrose opens another store…

  5. Shelle Luscombe

    Love it! You nutter! Happy New Year!

  6. WalkinthePark

    Sssh! The plans for the Clifden Road barricades, manned by “ordinary” people and their children, are meant to be secret. We don’t want to give Lord True and his acolytes a chance to plan their defences…..

  7. Adam

    You missed “after heavy rain, the river floods its banks causing some cars to have damp tyres”