And, in other news (shamelessly culled from the Richmond and Twickenham Times)

September
A flying coffee jar has been the source of hot news in Twickenham this week. No, it wasn’t some kind of instant UFO type incident but a missile thrown in a brawl between two men. A scuffle began outside the Poundland shop on King Street but then spilled into the shop itself. Perhaps the men were on the hunt for cheap (yet variable quality) weaponry, who knows? A policeman who arrived on the scene was then inadvetently hit by the flying jar of Maxwell House coffee (estimated value: £1). The condition of the policeman is not known but a spokesman commented that when it came to food fights, next time he’d prefer to be hit upon by some Mellow Birds.

Use your loaf? That’s the view of Twickenham Town Centre Manager, Natasha Carr who has ruffled a few feathers by suggesting that Twickenham needs a high quality baker to go with our fishmonger and brand new organic butcher. There’s some merit in this argument but the town does already have a Greggs (OK, let’s move on) and its own Belmont Bakery. Now, Belmont does do a good line in gingerbread men and meringue mice if you want that kind of thing but it does also sell a reasonable range of bread. In truth it could probably improve on that by stocking more loaves that would crack a kitchen tile when dropped from a height of more than two feet but if in doubt, and to keep Natasha happy, it should simply stick the word “artisan” in front of everything and jack up the prices by £1 a loaf. Hey presto, an upmarket bread shop! Simple, effective and everyone’s happy.